Scars
by Aizawa Sakura
Summary: slightly AU. Shuichi loses his will to live. Tatsuha falls in love with him and is prepared to do anything to save his life. Even send him to Japans no.1 Casanova.
1. Prologue

Title: Scars

By: Aizawa Sakura

Disclaimer: Gravitation and all its characters belong to Maki Murakami-san. That's not me.

Summary: Shuichi loses his will to live. Tatsuha falls in love with him and is prepared to do anything to save his life. Even send him to Japans no.1 Casanova.

Authors note: Laliho! The adorable Aizawa Sakura is back! Cherry and Strawberries to everyone who left me a review. Glad you like Nightly Thoughts. This fic, however, will be kinda different.

_Scars_ is slightly AU.

Changes:

Shuichi and Hiro both live in Kyoto.

Yuki and Ayaka are not engaged.

Yuki did not kill Kitazawa, although he blames himself for his tutor's death.

Tohma is happy married with Mika, and does not lust for Yuki.

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Prologue

They were going to a concert. Nittle Grasper. Completely sold out. It was a miracle that they had got tickets in the first place, and Shindou Shuichi couldn't believe that he was actually going. It was to perfect. He was so lucky. Tohma, Noriko and Ryuichi were his hero's. After listening to their first CD and seeing them on TV he knew that he wanted to work with music as well. Not only wanted, but had to. There would be no future for him if there weren't music.

His best friend, Nakano Hiroshi, already played the guitar, and together they formed a band called Bad Luck. Shuichi put all his energy into becoming a superb keyboard player. Like his God, Seguchi Tohma. And he did. He became a great keyboard player. He wrote both music and lyrics, and while he and Hiroshi played, Maiko used to sing. Then, Maiko became more interested in school and in different study groups, and, as he started to do more and more singing, it turned out that Shuichi's real strength was his voice. So he abandoned the keyboard and instead, he became Bad Lucks vocalist. In their home town, Kyoto, Hiroshi and Shuichi were on their way to make a name for themselves.

But right now, they were on Hiroshi's motorcycle, on their way to the most important concert ever. They were going to see Nittle Grasper perform live. Life couldn't be better. They were almost there when it happened.

The car came from nowhere. Totally out of control. It slammed into them from the side. The last thing Shuichi saw was how the wreck of the motorcycle seamed to be flying towards him. Hiroshi had seven bones broken in the impact. But he stayed conscious. The last thing he heard was a doctor saying that they needed to operate Shuichi's trachea immediately, otherwise the boy would die. Then everything was black.

At the same moment, Seguchi Tohma announced that Nittle Grasper was breaking up. This was their last concert.

Slowly, Nakano Hiro opened his eyes. There was a woman sitting by his side. He didn't know who she was, but thought he should have done. But he couldn't remember anything at all. It felt like he was at the end of the world. And the world was getting darker.

Next time he opened his eyes, there was a lot of people in white clothes around him. Doctors.

"Shuichi" he whispered. Then he screamed the same thing. Over and over again.

The third time he opened his eyes, there was only two persons in the room with him. One man in white clothes and the women he had seen the first time he awoke. His mother.

"Welcome back" the doctor said, "can you remember your name?"

Hiro just looked at him.

"You were in a traffic accident. You have been in a coma for the past six weeks. Do you remember anything?"

"Mom" Hiro said, "where is Shuichi?"

His mother took his hand.

"He's at home" she answered, "he's safe."

"Good" Hiro said. Then he went back to sleep.

About a week later, Hiro went to visit Shuichi. At the same time as he got into the house he realized that something was wrong. The usual Shuichi would have come running to greet him, throwing himself at him. He wouldn't care at all about the fact that Hiro just had got out of the hospital. But Shuichi didn't come.

"Where is he?" Hiro asked Shuichi's mom, griping the flowers he had brought along a bit too hard.

"In his room" she said, "but he's not the way he used to be."

Shuichi was in his bed. He was pale and his face was blank. He didn't show any feelings at all. The shirt he was wearing seamed to be a bit too big for him, and several scares covered his throat.

"Shu?" Hiro said, "are you okay?"

The boy's expression didn't change at all, but he reached out his hand. Hiro took it. He dropped the flowers on the floor and climbed into the bed. Shuichi warped his arms, around Hiro and buried his face in his chest, showing the guitarist that he really wanted him to be there. Hiro hugged him as hard as he could, and he just wanted to cry. He was the one that had got all his bones broken, but Shuichi had lost the dearest thing he had.

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AN: That's it for this time. Tatsuha will appear in Chapter 1. What do you think? Good? Bad? Did it suck? Was it the best thing you have ever read? Pleas tell me. Next chapter should be up in about a week. Until then, stick around and take care. You are our sunflower.


	2. Chapter One

Title: Scars

By: Aizawa Sakura

Disclaimer: Gravitation, and all its characters, belongs to Maki Murakami-san. That's not me.

Summary: Shuichi loses his will to live. Tatsuha falls in love with him and is prepared to do anything to save his life. Even send him to Japans no.1 Casanova.

Authors note: The adorable Aizawa Sakura has now managed to post the first chapter of Scares. I'm so happy. Thanks for all the reviews! This time I give everyone who reviewed Strawberry ice-cream. What do you want to have next time? And just so you know, Shuichi didn't know Yuki or Tatsuha or anyone at NG at the time for the accident.

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Chapter 1

Actually, Shuichi was lucky that day. When the motorcycle fell down on him it should have broke his every bone. It should have cracked his ribs, driven them into his lungs. It could even have crossed his skull. But it didn't. It did hurt his femur, but not badly and it healed pretty much by itself. The worse thing was that the handle of the motorcycle came down on his throat, harming his trachea and foremost his larynx so badly that he could not breathe. But again he was lucky. One of the witnesses to the accident was educated as a doctor within the army, he performed an intubation, which saved the boys life. Later, a high risk operation was able to correct the larynx, and Shuichi could breathe by himself again. At first it seamed like everything would go without complications, but then the wound from the intubation became infected. The infection spread quickly and the vocal cord were badly harmed. Once again the doctors had to open up Shuichi's throat. And once again the operation was successful. His life was saved, but his vocal cord would be forever harmed. And along with his voice, Shuichi lost his will to live.

Everyone knew Shuichi was depressed and wanted it all to end. Hiro knew, so if he did not come to visit, he phoned to make sure everything was alright. Shuichi's parents knew, and they did everything they could to make him find the will to live again. His sister knew, and she began to spend all her free time by her brother's side.

But it wasn't enough.

It was a Wednesday, and Maiko was in the middle of her maths lesson when the vice principal came and told her that she had a phone call. It was her father. He told her to come home immediately, but didn't want to say why. She got scared and begged him to tell her what it was that had happened. When he still kept quiet, she said she refused to go home if he didn't tell her, so he did. Shuichi had tried to commit suicide. He had been unconscious by the time the ambulance arrived and it was not sure if he was going to make it or not. Maiko almost dropped the phone but asked her father if he could come and pick her up so that they could go to the hospital together. Then he said that they weren't going to the hospital, there was nothing they could do for Shuichi, so the rest of the family should be at the house and wait for the hospital to call. But he could come and pick her up, of course he could. He said he could be there in about fifteen minutes. Then they hung up and Maiko went to collect her things. She was halfway to the parking lot when she realized what she was doing. It was sick. She couldn't go home; she had to get to the hospital. God damn it. Shuichi was hurt and no one was there with him. Of course someone had to be there. What if he didn't make it? Her watch told her that it was about ten minutes until her father would come. Then it would probably be too late, she had to get away quickly. So she turned and began to run. Lucky enough, she knew exactly where Shuichi should be if he had been in school that day. Unfortunately, the place was at the third floor, so it was quite a long way to run. When she got there, she slammed the classroom door open and stormed inside.

"Hiro!" she screamed, causing the whole class to look at her as if she was mad.

"Hiro, come here, now!"

Poor Hiroshi didn't seam to understand anything at all.

"What is it?" he asked, looking kind of confused, but also worried. Maiko was already by his desk. She grabbed his arm and dragged him up.

"We have to go somewhere" she said, tears starting to fill her eyes.

"Okay, just tell me what it is and I'll come with you."

Now, the teacher decided it was time to do something. Grabbing Maiko by her shoulders, he started to pull her away.

"I can see that you are upset, Shindou-san" he said, "but this kind of behaviour can't be tolerated. You have to leave this classroom. And you, Nakano, please take your seat!"

"No!" Maiko screamed, "he has to come with me!" she tried to shake him of, but didn't make it.

"No, Shindou. He's not, and we are going to the principal" the teacher said.

"No!" she screamed again, completely losing it. She pulled herself free and when he tried to grab her again, she did something she had never done before. She punched him. Right in the face. The teacher was so surprised that he fell to the floor.

"Shuichi may be dying, we have to go to the hospital" she said, facing Hiro, perfectly calm now. Then she left. Hiro immediately rose to his feet.

"I am very sorry, Konou-sensei" he said to the teacher, before following Maiko out of the classroom.

There were a lot of people who questioned the fact that Hiro had got a new motorcycle, and used it as if the accident had never happed. Maiko promised to never question it again. Thanks to the motorcycle they reached the hospital only twenty minutes after they left the school. The first person they saw happened to be a nurse anaesthetist. They asked her if she knew where Shindou Shuichi was. She asked if they were his family. Maiko told her that they were his siblings. At least it was half true. The nurse said that they could follow her.

Shuichi had got back to conscious. He was out of danger. He was lying in a bed, paler then usual, and without any expression on his face. His eyes spoke of nothing.

"Hello, Shu. How are you?" Hiro said, not really expecting any answer. He and Maiko were sitting next to the bed. Since Shuichi didn't show any interest in "talking" with them, Hiro settled for telling him a mass of different things he thought would be of interest. He spoke about school, homework, the test he had had earlier in the week. He told him about his family; his brother still didn't have a job and his mom was more pissed off then ever. He spoke about different TV programs, told Shuichi what he had read in the newspaper that day and what he thought of the news. The one thing he didn't mention was music.

All the time Hiro talked, Maiko sat quiet, holding Shuichi's hand and trying to hold back the tears she felt were coming. How had this happed? Why was her beloved brother like this? At one point, she couldn't hold back anymore. She made a quick excuse, told them she was going to the toilet, and left the room. Tears were now running down her cheeks. She wiped them off with her hand and sat down in the waiting room. In the past, seeing Shuichi and Hiro together had always made her happy. They used to be so full of energy, always doing something crazy. It wasn't like that anymore. Shuichi was like a living dead, and even though Hiro tried to seam happy, he wasn't. He was miserable, she knew he blamed himself for what had happed to Shuichi.

"Hey, are you okay?" she looked up and found that a guy she had never seen before was looking at her. He was pretty tall, had black hair and was rather attractive. He also had this look in his eyes, something that made her think that he really cared.

"Yes" she answered.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"No, you're not, you have been crying."

She shook her head.

"It's alright" he said, lending forward to put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm a monk. You can talk to me. What's your name?"

"Maiko" she answered.

"Beautiful name. I'm Tatsuha. Do you want something? Just wait here, I'll get you some tea, then you can tell me why you are crying."

"It's my brother" Maiko said and took the cup of tea that Tatsuha was offering her.

"What about him?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

"He used to be a singer" Maiko said, looking down at her tea. She hadn't intended to tell him at all, but it had turned out that he was really easy to speak with. So she continued:

"Then, about half a year ago, he was in a traffic accident and lost his voice and now…" she paused and took a deep breath, trying to keep her tears back. "…Now he tried to kill himself!"

"So he is here, at the hospital?"

"He was always so happy" Maiko continued as if she had not heard Tatsuha. She took up a picture of Shuichi and Hiro from her school bag and gave it to him.

"It's the one to the right."

"The one with pink hair?"

"Yeah. He used to have so much energy. And he always did and said these stupid things. Sometimes I thought he did it just to embarrass me, since I was in all these different committees in school. I could be so angry with him!" She could not help it anymore. All the feelings were too overwhelming. She began to cry.

"It's okay" Tatsuha said, moving her hair from her face. Without thinking, she buried her face in his chest. He put his arms around her. Normally, she wouldn't have liked to be so close to a complete stranger. But right now, she did not care. It was nice. He smelled good and she felt secure.

"When they called me, and told me he was at the hospital…and before I got here…" her voice was merely a whisper. "…I thought he would die. I thought I was losing him. I never want to fell that way again." She dug her fingers into Tatsuha's back, not noticing that she was hurting him.

"Why does he do this!" she screamed, causing people to look at her as if she was a maniac.

"Why? WHY!"

"When he gets out of here, how about you take him to me?" Tatsuha asked, patting her head while looking at the picture she had given him.

"Maybe I can help…" That boy looked so much like someone he used to love. "After all, I'm a monk."

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AN: That's it for this time. What did you think? Was it good? Was it bad? Did it suck? Was it the best thing you have ever read? This chapter was kinda hard to do. At first, I wrote it by hand. Then, when I wrote it on my laptop, it came out totally different! What do you think about Maiko? From the beginning I wasn't going to have her in it at all, but then she came along anyway. And I liked it, so I kept it. Now I'm gonna eat dinner. Rice. I think. However, take care. You are our sunflower.


	3. Chapter Two

Title: Scars

By: Aizawa Sakura

Disclaimer: Gravitation, and all its characters, belongs to Maki Murakami-san. That's not me.

Summary: Shuichi loses his will to live. Tatsuha falls in love with him and is prepared to do anything to save his life. Even send him to Japans no.1 Casanova.

Authors Note: Aizawa Sakura is back. Thanks to everyone who left me a review! Looks like I made it to Chapter 2. That feels great! Terrible writers block finally gone, much thanks to one of my favourite writers, who update her story.

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Chapter 2

"Shuichi? You know I love you, right?"

Shuichi was back at home. Maiko didn't like it. Well, of cause she was happy that he wasn't badly hurt, but she had wanted him to stay at the hospital a little longer. Two days wasn't enough. It felt safe, when he was at the hospital there were people watching over him all the time. Professional people. People who knew how to save lives. She hated herself for feeling that way, for not wanting Shuichi at home. Hated herself for not being able to watch over him.

"Shuichi?" she said again.

He didn't answer. Of cause he didn't. He couldn't, he had lost his voice. But he didn't do anything to show her that he had actually heard her either. He didn't even look at her. He sat in his bed, clothes still looking too big for him, his bright pink hair wasn't as bright anymore. His face didn't have any particular expression, it never had these days. He was looking straight forward, but didn't seam to be seeing anything.

"Shuichi" Maiko tried once more, but without any result. So she gave up.

"I'm gonna read you a story" she said, and picked up a book from the floor.

"It's called Today. It's by Yuki Eiri… It's one of my favourites. I've read it several times."

Then she started to read. And she kept on reading until their mother came, because she did every evening. She brought food for Shuichi and told Maiko to come down and eat. Then she left the room, because she knew Shuichi would not eat if he wasn't alone.

"I talked with Shuichi's psychologist today" Maiko's and Shuichi's father said that evening.

"She said that she can not help him. That it's impossible to help someone that doesn't want help in the way he does."

"She is wrong. It must be something she can do. I think he's getting better" their mother said.

"No, he isn't. She has tried everything and nothing helps."

"Surely, there must be something she can do…"

"It isn't. It's not working."

"But there must be something…"

"Listen, she can't help us anymore. She has already lost fate in him. We're losing him."

"No, that's not true. She can help him, I know that… We can help him."

"We have tried to help him for six months, and the only thing we have got is a suicide attempt."

"That's what she said? The psychologists?"

"Yes, she did."

"She can't help us."

"I know someone who might be able to" Maiko said, rather slow, causing her parents to jump. She wasn't surprised, she was pretty sure they both had forgotten she was actually there.

"Who?" her mother wondered, tears in the corner of her eyes.

"His name is Uesugi Tatsuha" Maiko said, "He's a monk."

Her father looked at her for a long time before he spoke. As if he was trying to figure out if she was speaking the truth or not.

"Its worth trying" he finally said, "but right now, I think everything is."

Tatshua was surprised. Chocked even. The boy he had seen in the picture was so different from the boy he saw now. The young monk was standing in front of the temple, and Shuichi was approaching. His parents had decided, like Maiko had suggested, on take Shuichi to the temple and let him meet Tatsuha. And Tatsuha had been waiting for them. When Maiko had spoken to him about Shuichi, he had felt really sorry for her. Originally, he had started to talk to her just because he found her pretty, and he had planned to seduce her if it turned out that she was a nice person as well as an attractive one. He had found that she indeed was very friendly. But then, when she began to tell him about her brother, whom she loved and worried about, he found that she was more like a little girl than a teenager with a hot body. Normally, he would have dumped a girl who turned out the way Maiko did at once, but the speech about her brother really touched him. He got interested in Shuichi when she first told him that he used to be a singer. Then, when she said he had lost his voice and was so depressed that he had tried to kill himself, Tatsuha didn't know what to think. He had always thought that suicide was something extremely ridiculous, and people that said they were so very unhappy that they just wanted to kill themselves was something he hated. Mostly because they never did, and he thought they were weak. Weak people was something he hated as well. But after what he had heard, Shuichi didn't seam weak at all. He didn't whine and he had almost succeeded in killing himself. The more Maiko told him about Shuichi, the more he thought he could understand him. Shuichi wasn't a weak boy who was to lazy to do anything to change a life he wasn't satisfied with, but a strong person who had done everything to reach his goals his whole life. Then, when things started to get really good, his greatest passion had been taken away from him, and he didn't know how to go on without it.

Maiko introduced Tatsuha to her parents, and Tatshua smiled and introduced the whole Shindou family to his father. Not very unexpected the older monk soon asked the three teens to leave so that he could speak to the Shindou husband and wife without interruption. Tatsuha felt a bit annoyed; Maiko's parents clearly preferred his father before him, but since he got to spend time with Shuichi he figured it was okay.

"We'll take a walk" he said, and before anyone had the time to object, he had grabbed Shiuchi's hand and was dragging the boy away down the road. Maiko quickly followed.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"The park" Tatsuha answered after a moment, realizing that he hadn't thought about where to take them. "The nature there is beautiful. Just like the two of you…" he continued without thinking, which just made him want to bite his tongue of. This clearly wasn't the time for that kind of talk. Not the time for compliments. Not the time for flirting. Besides, the nature wasn't very beautiful at all. It was early spring, and everything was rather grey and sad. Maiko seamed pissed, like she wanted to slap him.

"Just kidding" he said, but she didn't seam to believe him one bit. Cleaver girl. Made him feel kind of stupid so he decided to ignore her for a moment and turned to Shuichi instead. The boy was looking straight forward, the long hair made it hard to see his face but as far as Tatsuha could tell it didn't have any particular expression.

"I loved the park when I was younger…" Tatsuha said, "…well, I still do. It's such a calm place…" his voice died away. He wanted to ask so many questions, and knowing that Shuichi never would be able to speak an answer was painful. The rest of the way, they walked in silence.

"Sometimes, I think he is getting better" Shuichi's father said, "but this far, I've always been wrong."

"I know how you feel" Uesugi-san said, putting down his cup of tea on the low table.

"You do?" Shuichi's mother seamed surprised.

Uesugi nodded.

"But… your son seamed so happy."

"Tatsuha isn't my only child."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Like I said, I know what you are going through and I will do my best to help you."

At this Maiko's and Shuichi's mother smiled a weak smile, thinking that everything would be all right this time. Her husband, however, wasn't as easy convinced.

"That's what the psychologists said too, and as I told you, she wasn't able to help. Will you be?"

Tatsuha's father picked up his cup again.

"I don't know…" he said, "… but I know that the most important thing right now is faith. When Tatsuha first spoke to me about Shuichi he said that he knew we could help. He was very convincing, his eyes were glowing. I'm going to help you find the same thing. Faith in your son. If you believe that he can get better then, finally, he may start to believe too.

They were sitting on a bench. Shuichi to the left, Maiko in the middle, Tatsuha to the right. They had walked around the park two times and were tired of it. Tatsuha was looking at nothing in particular, lost in his own thoughts. Maiko was looking at Shuichi. Shuichi was looking down on his hands. He didn't seam to care about the other two at all, but he did. He was thinking about them. He wanted to embrace his sister, and tell her not to worry. He wanted her to smile. He wanted to answer the questions he knew Tatsuha were struggling not to ask. It was weird. He didn't know why, he just really wanted to answer those questions. But he couldn't.

"Do you see the big cherry tree over there?" Tatsuha suddenly asked, not able to keep quiet anymore. "When I was younger, me and a friend of mine used to climb in it. You are not allowed to really, but we did anyway." If you don't have anything good to say, then talk about something stupid. "Maybe we should go back…"

"Yeah, why not…" Maiko slowly rose to her feet.

Tatsuha did the same and turned to Shuichi.

"I know it's kinda boring right now" he said, eyeing the park quickly. "I'll take you here again in a month or so, when it's warmer and the cherry trees have start to blossom. We can play with the kids, and climb trees and eat ice cream…" Again his voice faded away.

Tatsuha was just about to turn away when something happened. Shuichi slowly reached out and grabbed his hand. Then, he looked straight into his eyes.

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AN: And that's the end of chapter 2. Please tell me what you think. Good? Bad? Did it suck? Was it the best thing you have ever read?

This was sooooo hard. I had the most horrible writer's block ever.

I had a lot of tea, but it just didn't help…

However, I'm happy it's finally done and I'm happy you read it. You are our sunflower.


	4. Chapter Three

Title: Scars

By: Aizawa Sakura

Disclaimer: Gravitation, and all its characters, belong to Maki Murakami. That's not me.

Summary: Shuichi loses his will to live. Tatsuha falls in love with him and is prepared to do anything to save his life. Even send him to Japans no.1 Casanova.

Authors Note: Thanks for the reviews. Sorry I haven't updated for so long, hope you're still with me.

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Chapter 3

Tatsuha was lying on his back. His bed was soft and warm and sleep was luring just around the corner. But he didn't want to fall asleep. Not yet. He wanted to go through the day once more first. The walk in the park. How he had managed to make Maiko angry, by saying the wrong things. It hadn't gone too well, he supposed. During their walk, she had looked over at him a couple of times. What he had seen in her eyes had frightened him. He thought it was hate. If Maiko was angry with him she might not allow Shuichi to see him again. And she seemed strong enough to stop him from seeing her brother. Her father had seemed sceptical too. And the mother… He didn't want to think so, but she appeared to him as someone who was on their way to become crazy. Remembering the feeling of Shuichi's hand in his, he hoped he was wrong. And he hoped he would be able to see the boy again. Soon. Maiko hadn't seen it, but Shuichi had reached out for him. And then there was the look he had given him. Those purple orbs had been so full of pain, but he had seen something else as well. He didn't know exactly what it was, but he thought it was something good.

……

Maiko had never been able to sleep on her back, therefore, she was lying on her stomach. She was hugging her pillow. Okay, so she wasn't really hugging it, she just had it pressed against her face. That way she could cry as much and as loud as she wanted, and still, no one would hear it. She wanted to be alone. She didn't want anyone to come for her. Didn't want to be comforted. She didn't want to cry either. She wanted to do something physical. Something that would make her tiered, so she could sleep. She prayed that she would fall asleep soon, because she hated the feelings that were forced upon her when she was awake. The burning desire to help her brother. When she had met Tatsuha, it had been like meeting an angel. A saving angel. Perhaps it was ridiculous, but that day when she had looked into his eyes, she had felt like she was looking at a saviour, that this man could really help. But she had misjudged him. Perhaps he could help, but he wouldn't do it for the sake of helping. He would do it for himself.

……

"So, what do you think? I mean, what do you really think about this?" Maiko's and Shuichi's father asked his wife after he had taken the seat opposite her. She didn't answer at once, instead she kept looking out through the window.

"I don't know" she said.

Her husband offered her a cup of tea.

"I just don't know anymore, I feel so…"

"So?..."

"I don't know. Helpless, perhaps. Lonely. Scared. I don't want to lose him. But I don't know what to do to stop it from happening."

"Were not going to lose him" being a father, he felt he had to say that, but he didn't know how much he believed in it anymore. His wife, however, seamed to believe him.

"You're right, we are not going to lose our son, I think these people can help us. At least it's worth a try. Isn't it?"

"Yeah, I suppose it is" he really wasn't sure. "I call them from work tomorrow, don't worry about it".

"Okay, I wont."

So, his dear wife didn't worry, but he did. He was worried about her. About Shuichi, yes, his son didn't seem like he wanted to live anymore, and that was bad, really bad. But now it seemed like his wife was on her way to lose her grip. And Maiko, his beloved daughter, she had changed as well, he didn't know if anyone else had noticed it, but Maiko had become very different. She didn't speak much, she always looked tiered and she didn't seem to care about school or friends any longer. Maybe, he thought later that evening, maybe the best thing would be if Shuichi wasn't with them anymore.

……

Tasuha awoke early. At least he thought so. That is, until he opened his eyes and looked at the clock. 12.32. That sure wasn't early, that was late. The middle of the day, for crying out loud. He got out of bed and dressed as fast as he could. Then he went downstairs. Not very happy. His father would probably be angry with him for sleeping so late. He entered the kitchen and found his father standing by the window, big cup of tea in one hand, the telephone in the other.

"Don't worry about it" he heard his father say to the person he was on the phone with. "Today at four. Yes, that's fine. We have a spare room so it's no problem. Good, bye then."

He hung up and turned around.

"What's so great about sleeping?" he asked.

Tatsuha didn't answer.

"What was that about" he asked instead.

"Good thing you're awake now though, we need to prepare a room."

"Why?"

"Young Shindou-san is coming to live with us."

"What?"

That meant Shuichi, right? Who else? Must be. It couldn't very well be Maiko.

"Shuichi?"

"Yes. Now, get the room done."

"Which room?"

"The one opposite yours is probably the best."

Okay, so that was a surprise.

"Eiri'r room?" Tatsuha asked, almost chocked. His father gave him a cold glare. Very cold.

"The guest room" he said.

Yeah, that was it. It made Tatsuha sad, but it was the truth and he couldn't do very much about it.

"Of course" he said, "the guest room".

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AN: That's the end of chapter 3. What's going too happened next?

I know it was short, I'll try to make the next one longer. While I wrote the first part of this, I was eating an apple.

Now, what did you think? Good? Bad? Suck? Best thing you've ever read?

Just stick around, review and take care, okay… You are our sunflower.

And, one more thing! If someone know the first name of Shuichi's parents, please tell me!


	5. Chapter Four

Title: Scars

By: Aizawa Sakura

Disclaimer: Gravitation, and all its characters, belongs to Maki Murakami. That's not me.

Summary: Shuichi loses his will to live. Tatsuha falls in love with him and is prepared to do anything to save his life. Even send him to Japans no.1 Casanova.

Authors note: Think I was a little faster with the update this time, ey? Or maybe not.

_Italic _equals memories or thoughts.

…………………………………………………………………………………

Chapter 4

It had been years since anyone had actually lived in the room opposite Tatsuha's. It used to get cleaned once in a while, Mika usually cleaned it when she came to visit, and Tatsuha sometimes went there to think. His father didn't know about that, though. The old man couldn't do anything about Mika cleaning the room, she was too stubborn and maybe he realised that it had to be done anyway, but he had forbid Tatsuha to go in there and the room was always looked. However, Tatsuha had a spare key. A secret spare key, only he knew about it. Or not, correction, Eiri knew about it as well, but Eiri didn't know Tatsuha still had it. But today, his father had handed him the master key, and for the first time in ages, he was allowed to enter. It didn't take him very long to clean it. He vacuumed it, made the bed, put up curtains and opened the window to let some fresh air in. He remained by the window, looking down on the garden beneath, suddenly remembering events he thought he had forgotten.

_It was summer. Two boys and a young girl were sitting in the grass next to the pond on the backside of the house._

"_I like summer the best" the girl said. _

"_Why?" one of the boys wondered. _

"_Because" was the girls answer._

"_I don't agree, I think winter is the best."_

"_Why?" _

"_Because snow is so beautiful. There is no other thing like snow."_

"_But it's so cold" the girl seemed puzzled._

"_I like the cold too" the boy said. _

_The girl turned to the other boy._

"_Which season do you like the best?"_

_The boy remained silent, then: _

"_Spring" he said slowly._

"_Why?"_

_The boy seemed to be thinking hard about what to answer._

"_That's a secret" he finally said, smiling._

Nakano Hiroshi couldn't remember ever getting less than the highest grade on a math test. He was sitting alone at a table in the school cafeteria, next to the window and, looking once again at the paper in his hand, he didn't know what to think. _How the hell did this happen? This can't be real_. But it was, no matter how many times he looked, the numbers in the upper corner of the paper remained. He closed his eyes, folded the paper and put it in his pocket. He buried his face in his hands, and remained sitting like that until his confused and not very coherent thoughts was interrupted by a broken voice:

"Hiroshi-san?"

He looked up and saw Maiko standing next to the table, her hair hanging loose around her face and she was holding some books tight to her chest.

"Yes?"

She really looked out of place.

"I…" she began but lost trail and had to start over.

"I… I thought I would, you know, have a cup of tea, and I was wondering if I could, kinda,

sit with you?

Hiro didn't seem to be able to totally grasp what she was saying.

"It's…" she continued, "I mean, no one else, I don't know anyone else here and I didn't want to sit alone…"

Hiro suddenly snapped out of his confusion.

"Of course" he said, "of course you can sit with me".

Maiko lit up.

"Can I? Okay, I'm just gonna go get my tea, ehm, do you want something too?"

"No, thanks, I don't have any money with me right now". Good, his brain seemed to be working all right again.

"That's okay, I could pay for now."

"You sure? Then I could have a cup of tea, I suppose, just the same sort you'll have yourself."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

She left her books at the table and went away, but she soon returned. She placed two big cups on the table and sat down opposite him. They sat quiet for a while, Hiro sipping at his hot tea and Maiko looking out of the window.

"Why did you come here alone, anyway, I usually see you with a lot of friends around…" Hiro suddenly asked.

"They are in class, were having Japanese…" Maiko answered, looking at her books.

"You're cutting class?"

"Yeah."

He was surprised, as far as he knew, Maiko was very serious about school.

"How about you? Half of all the people in here are from your grade, why don't you sit with any of them?"

"I wanted to be alone"

"Why?"

"I almost failed my math test so I pretty much felt like shit."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

She had removed her hair from her face and was looking straight at him, really seemed to feel sorry for him.

"Don't be. It's just that… I have always been good at math and I don't think I have ever failed a test so it's new to me and I'm disappointed with myself, and I don't know how it happened and… and I miss Shuichi and I hate this crap and this sorry excuse for a life and I don't want to be here or go back home and… Maiko, did something happen? Have you been crying?"

Her eyes were red around the edges and a little swollen. He hadn't seen that before.

"Shuichi has moved."

"What!"

"He lives at a temple with this man, he's a monk, that I really thought would be able to help him, but now I'm not sure anymore."

"Oh…"

"And it's quite far away from home, and dad doesn't want to take me there to visit."

"Why not?"

"I don't know for sure, but he seems to think that it is best that way. It's almost like he want us to forget about him."

"About Shu?"

"Yeah."

They sat quiet again. Both lost in thoughts. Maiko wasn't thinking about anything in particular but rather about a variety of different things. Her thoughts were a mess and most of them subconscious. Hiro, on the other hand, carried out a more deliberated reflection with himself. That Shuichi had been sent away was something he could deal with, maybe even understand, but it wasn't right to prevent Maiko from seeing him. Maybe he could take her to see her brother? Yes. He had a motorcycle, he could take her there. And he would. He wanted to see Shuichi as well. He had to. They had been best friends for so long, he didn't think he could go on without Shuichi, at least not without losing his sanity. Shu was a part of him and, he realised, probably an even bigger part of Maiko. They were most definitely going to visit him. But not right now. Too much had happened in too little time, he had to think some more about all this crap first. And he had to do something about his math result as well, only he didn't want to think about that.

"Let's get out of here" he said to Maiko. "Let's go play some games or something."

"Kareoke?"

"Why not."

What he really wanted to do was to go to a bar, get drunk, and forget about life for a moment.

…………………………………………………………………………..

For some reason, Shuichi hadn't been surprised when his father had told him that he was going to move to the temple. He hadn't seen it coming, not at all, but he wasn't surprised. It felt natural, like the best thing to do. Completely normal. His father drove him there the same day. And after just changing a few words with Tatsuha and the old monk, he drove away, returned home or to work or whatever, leaving Shuichi with not much more than a sports bag which contained his clothes and some other things which he could need.

"We're very pleased to have you here, Shindou-san. Tatsuha will show you your room."

Tatsuha's father said before leaving and walking back into the house.

The two boys didn't move. Remained still while looking at each other, although one of them wasn't really looking. Tatsuha's mind was racing, finding the situation kind of awkward, he wasn't sure of what to do.

"I'll show you your room" he heard himself say, and smiled.

Shuichi couldn't think about anything else then the weirdness of it all. He knew he wasn't possibly supposed to feel the way he did. His family had just dumped him at the house of some complete strangers. His father hadn't even given him a proper goodbye. He was supposed to feel lonely, sad, maybe even forsaken. But he couldn't. He just couldn't, not when he heard Tatsuha's voice and saw his smile.

…………………………………………………………………..

AN: Yay! Chapter 4 all done! What did you think? Good? Bad? Suck? Best thingy you've ever read?

I'm finally starting to feel like I'm actually getting somewhere with this. I will also try to finish it as soon as possible, although that may take, like, forever. I mean, I'm having a great time writing this, but I have a lot of other things I like to do too. I'm planning to get a homepage and start a comic online, for example. I also want to eat ice-cream, and then I have this Yami no Matsuei fic that I really would like to finish so I can put it up here.

Anyway, Thanks to everyone who reads this and an even bigger thank you to those that does review. I love you all, you are our sunflower.

(I have also noticed that this fic contains an awful lot of tea, so to all coffee lovers out there: **Do Not Despair!** Compulsive coffee drinkers will appear in a chapter or two. (And yeah, there will be some compulsive smokers as well…))


	6. Chapter Five

Title: Scars

By: Aizawa Sakura

Disclaimer: Gravitation, and all its characters, belongs to Maki Murakami. That's not me.

Summary: Shuichi loses his will to live. Tatsuha falls in love with him and is prepared to do anything to save his life. Even send him to Japans no.1 Casanova.

Authors Note: Special message to all my wonderful reviewers at end of this chapter. Make sure to check it out. Also, I think someone asked for beer, well you'll get it! No coffee or smoker, though.

_Italic _equals memories.

Chapter Five

The room had a very convenient size. It was not too small, nor too big. There was a bed in one corner, a book case and a wardrobe along the wall, and a big drawing desk in front of an equally big window. The walls had a bluish colour and the furniture was made out of dark wood. Shuichi carefully put his bag on the bed and moved over to the window where he reluctantly touched the warmly multicoloured curtain.

"This room was my brothers, from his artistically dark period. However, I thought you would prefer colourfulness" Tatsuha said from the door.

Shuichi wanted to nod, but didn't. The room seemed both inviting and somewhat depressing, he thought it would suit him.

"I'll get us something to drink. Some hot chocolate perhaps? Take some time to get settled in here and then I can show you the house."

Shuichi didn't seem to hear him, and Tatsuha reluctantly left. Once alone, Shuichi sighed and pressed his forehead against the cold window. Then he realised it was raining outside.

Tatsuha was shamelessly proud over his hot chocolate. Really, he was the best by far when it came to hot chocolate. It took some time to prepare, but it was worth it. And he was quite convinced that Shuichi was a hot chocolate person. When he came back to the room, he found the pink haired boy still standing where he had left him, looking at the rain with his head lending against the window. That made him smile.

"Watching the raindrops fall as spring turns to summer and summer to fall?" Tatsuha said while slowly walking across the room. Next moment he wondered why he had said it. Had he just come up with it right then and there? No. He had heard it before. He couldn't remember when and where though. That is, not until Shuichi slowly turned his head to look at him. Then he recalled it. It had been a similar situation.

"_Eiri? What are you doing?" _

_The boy standing by the window turned his head slightly._

"_I'm watching the raindrops, Tatsuha. I watch them fall. And I will continue doing so. As spring turns to summer and summer to fall"._

Tatsuha offered Shuichi the one of the cups he was carrying. The boy didn't take it, so he placed it next to him instead.

"My brother used to do that too" Tatsuha said.

…………….

Hiro didn't end up going to a bar, instead, he got a vast amount of beer from a vending machine before going to the karaoke bar. Once in the soundproof room, he emptied the one bottle after the other. He knew it was a really stupid thing to do. He hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and had felt somewhat dizzy even before he had started drinking, but didn't really feel like caring about it. They talked a little and sang a few songs and Hiro suddenly started to wonder how in hell Maiko could suggest to go singing karaoke when her brother had recently lost his voice and wouldn't ever be able to do something like that again. Thinking about Shuichi made Hiro feel even worse and he quickly emptied the can of beer in his hand. But alcohol was not much of a comfort, and it made him do stupid stuff. Maiko left when he started to giggle like a hysterical lower teenage girl. He didn't blame her. However, being left alone wasn't very nice, since it gave him the time to think. Just the fact that he was in a karaoke bar, a place which focused on singing, made him feel bad. Guilty. Like he had betrayed Shuichi. It was so unfair. So totally unfair. He didn't even like singing. Didn't have much of a voice either. If he had lost his voice it wouldn't have mattered, he would still be able to play the guitar and Shuichi would be able to do enough talking for the both of them. Hiro decided to go home. If he was lucky, maybe his mother wouldn't ask for the test result. He left the remaining beer cans in the room together with the empty ones, and aimed for the exit. Almost there, he bumped into someone and, somehow, managed to knock both himself and the other one over.

"Sorry" he mumbled, while trying to get up from the floor.

The other one was already back on his feet, apparently sober.

"Don't be…" he said in a voice Hiro thought he recognised and reached out his hand to help Hiro get up, "…it was my fault. Should have looked where I was going."

Hiro took the hand offered and, once he had regained his balance turned his head to look at the person he had knocked to the ground. He got the shock of his life; the guy looked exactly like Shuichi. His head began to spin and his vision got unclear, and then he thought he fell.

He wasn't sure, but thought he had fainted from the shock. Perhaps his diet had something to do with it too. He woke up and realised that he was laying, rather uncomfortable, on the floor. His eyes snapped open and the first and only thing he saw was the pale face and blond hair of someone kneeling beside him. The Shuichi look-a-like was gone. If there had ever been one. What exactly did those beer cans contain anyway? He felt like shit, and made a mental note never to buy alcohol from a vending machine again.

"How do you feel" the one beside him asked.

Hiro was a bit too busy trying to figure out the person's sex to answer.

"I realise it was kind of a shock for you to see my friend, however I would appreciate it if you didn't…"

"Sure was…" Hiro said, interrupting the other one and simultaneous pushed himself up to a sitting position. "…looked exactly like a friend of mine. Thing is, his voice sounded about the same too, and, well…my…this friend of mine he…" Hiro suddenly felt very weird, as if he was about to throw up. He quickly rose to his feats. That certainly didn't make him feel any better.

"Excuse me" he said and hurried towards the exit.

If you were to list the worst places to throw up at, then "open street" would score pretty good. "Dark alleyway" is definitely to prefer. However, "Halfway down dark alleyway in front of a complete stranger" isn't. Not like Hiro could do much about it, though. He didn't realise that the other one had followed him until he felt a comfortingly cold hand on his forehead and heard the calm voice:

"I think you need to eat something. Something which isn't a liquid"

"Don't think so. Besides, I have no money."

The stranger put a hand on Hiro's shoulder and started leading him back to the main street. "Then I'll treat you" the blonde suddenly said. Hiro was pretty sure it was a 'he' by now.

"Why would you do that?" Hiro asked, "You don't know me."

The other one smiled.

"I'm quite sure I've seen enough of you to realise you haven't eaten in a while, and I know the effects alcohol can have on an empty stomach by experience. I'm afraid you'll pass out in a dark alleyway and end up being gang raped. And I consider myself being an overall good guy, therefore I'll treat you to a meal."

Hiro didn't think he looked like a good guy, more like a creepy one.

"How did you know I'd been drinking?"

"Your breath."

"Really?"

"Well, not anymore."

"Oh."

"You may even have desert."

They ended up at a small, almost empty pub. The creepy guy ordered food for Hiro and apricot brandy for himself. He also forced Hiro to drink several glasses of water. When Hiro had finished his food they spent a long time talking. Talking about nothing in particular. The night ended when Hiro's companion convinced him to borrow enough money to be able to take a taxi and get home.

"Who are you?" Hiro asked before he left. Then he remembered his manners: "I mean,

what is your name? My name is Nakano Hiroshi."

The blonde hesitated. He glanced quickly at the taxi driver before leaning in towards Hiro and giving him a small peck at the cheek.

"Nice to meet you, Hiroshi-kun. I honestly hope we'll get the opportunity too see each other again" he whispered. Then he pulled back, turned around and left. And even though he wanted to, Hiro didn't manage to run after him.

……………..

Shuichi was asleep. Or, at least he had turned of the light in the room. Tatsuha had been standing right outside the closed door, tried to hear the smaller boys breathing. Other peoples breathing used to calm him, as long as it was people he liked. He remembered when he was younger, he had been having a nightmare, woke up screaming, and the bad dream kept coming back. Night after night. He had become afraid of sleeping. But then it was suddenly okay, because Eiri let him sleep in his bed, and even though the nightmares didn't go away, he felt secure. Eiri would reach out for his hand, and he could fall asleep again, while listening to his brother's calm and deep breathing.

But that was a long time ago now.

It wouldn't happen again.

Ever.

End Chapter Five

……………………..

AN: Took pretty long, did it not? I'm sorry. I'll try to write faster…

In the meantime, you can check out the _Shuichi from Scars_ picture I made earlier. There's a link on my author page.

Hugs and kisses and hot chocolate and lots of love to everyone who did review the last chapters. What do you think about this one? Good? Bad? Did it suck? Best thing you've ever read?

But really, I love my reviewers! I wanna give you something. A gift. Know what? When this fic reaches 33 reviews, I'll make you some art! What do you want me to draw? The Hiro/Shuichi hugging scene from the prologue, or the Tatsuha/Shuichi chocolate scene from this chapter? Let me know (review!).

Bye for now. You are our sunflower.


	7. Chapter Six

Title: Scars

By: Aizawa Sakura

Disclaimer: No, I'm still not Maki Murakami.

Summary: Shuichi loses his will to live. Tatsuha falls in love with him and is prepared to do anything to save his life. Even send him to Japans no.1 Casanova.

Authors Note: Thanks everyone for reviewing the last chapters.

………………….

Chapter Six

Shuichi had always loved singing. Even before he realised he was actually good at it. Singing while Hiro played. Now he had lost his love. His first love. His one and only love. It is a fact that you cannot live without love.

Tatsuha didn't fall in love very easily. There had been a lot of people, beautiful people, funny people, entertaining people, and of course, the people who played hard to get and had to be proven wrong. But of all these people there were only two Tatsuha would say that he had loved. Strangely enough, they were both persons he had never slept with. The first one was Eiri, his brother. The second one was Sakuma Ryuichi, the world's most talented singer. He still loved Ryuichi, loved his voice and how he had used music to express himself. But Nittle Grasper had disbanded, and Ryuichi had moved to the US. And there he had remained. And Eiri? Tatsuha loved the memories he had of Eiri. Even though they were vague. Eiri hadn't remained.

Perhaps that was why Tatsuha was so scared, scared that Shuichi wouldn't remain. The more time he spent with the boy, the more he liked him and thought he understood him. Maiko had told him that Shuichi was depressed and had closed himself to the world, kept all and everyone out, so that he wouldn't get hurt even more. Shuichi's mother had told him that her son had spent the last couple of month "hiding" in his room. All alone, except when Maiko was with him, and even though she missed out on a lot of things to spend time with her brother, Shuichi had been alone far more. It was Tatsuha's own idea that Shuichi closed himself away because he didn't want to see other people hurt. He also thought that the foremost reason that Shuichi had stopped interacting with people was that the people he normally spent time with assumed that he didn't want to see them after the accident, because they could speak and he could not, and therefore had stopped visiting him. He decided to hunt down the redheaded friend in the picture Maiko had given him. It proved harder then he thought it would have been. He called Maiko to ask about the redhead, but she refused to speak with him. Seemingly, he had done something to really piss her of. He had expected her, and the rest of the family, to come to visit, but when two weeks had passed without even a single phone call from the Shindou family, Tatsuha figured it was up to him to keep Shuichi company. He made sure Shuichi was never alone.

………………

Shuichi had always hated the silence. That was the reason he had always talked so much. He had never desired silence for himself. But he couldn't talk anymore and so, he had been unable to break it. He had never wanted to be left alone. But, somehow, people had believed he didn't wanted to hear talking or music any longer. He hated them in the beginning, all the ones that didn't come to see him. All expect Hiro. He knew Hiro would come. But he didn't. No one spoke of him either. Eventually, he understood. Hiro was dead. That was when he decided he didn't want to live any more. A life without both singing and Hiro was more than he could take. Once he had decided, he started seeing Hiro in his dreams. Hiro's spirit didn't look like Hiro had used to look. It was paler and skinnier. It looked unhappy. He reached out for it, begging it to let him follow it. It looked happier then. It climbed into the bed with him, and held him close. When he woke up, it was gone, but the dream remained, and it felt so real. It gave him the courage to move on. Then, after his unsuccessful suicide attempt, he saw it again. It sat next to him for a long time. It spoke to him, but he couldn't hear what it said. He figured the dead couldn't actually speak with the living. Not even when the living was in a temporary coma. When he woke up, Maiko was the only one there. She didn't speak about Hiro. She didn't speak about music. She hardly spoke at all. All she said was that she loved him and that she had met someone she thought could help him. Someone who was a monk. He wasn't interested.

Then he had meet Tatsuha. Tatsuha had taken him away from the loneliness and silence he hated. Tatsuha wasn't afraid to speak to him. He spoke to him even though he could not answer. Even though he didn't react. People had been avoiding him and he had been shutting people out for so long that he almost didn't remember how to interact with others. But Tatsuha was different. Tatsuha was a friend. Like Hiro had been a friend.

……………………..

Hiro hadn't thought he could be so taken in by someone. Yet he couldn't seem to push away the memories of the blonde stranger. Not even long enough to be able to concentrate on the math he had to do. Not even for five minutes. Not even for five seconds. He knew he couldn't, for he had desperately tried to do so for the last weeks. He had not spoken to Maiko since she had left him at the karaoke bar, but one day, approximately three weeks later, she came to talk to him. School had just ended, and he was on his way home when she caught up with him. She didn't say much, just grabbed him by the collar and ordered him to take her to see Shuichi. He protested, but suggested that he take her the next day. She refused to listen and after having told him exactly how bad a person she thought he was, (apparently, she was very much against drinking) she went on telling him exactly how bad a person she thought Tatsuha was:

"I don't trust this person he lives with! I thought he was good, but then I realised he wasn't. He called me, asking about you" she screamed, "I don't want to speak with him anymore! I want Shuichi home!"

"The person Shu lives with called you asking about me?"

"Yes! He wanted to speak with you, said he needed to ask things about Shuichi. Why couldn't he ask me! I'm his sister, You're just the friend!"

Hiro did something he never thought he could do, he snapped.

"Just a friend!" he screamed, "I'm much more than that! I'm his best friend! I love him, I couldn't love him more even if he was my brother!"

"You're saying you love him more than I do? More then his family do!"

"Give me the number."

"What?"

"The number" Hiro said in a perfectly calm and icy voice, on the inside, he was shaking with rage. "He asked for me, so I'm calling him. How could you not tell me about it, what if it was something important?"

"I…I…" Maiko seemed somewhat speechless.

"I will not take you there. But I'm going to call and make sure everything's okay. If it isn't, I'll bring him back myself. Give me the number." Hiro's voice was stern. His eyes were hard. Maiko had never seen him like that before, it scared her. She gave him the number. She also realised how much she hated him. Hated him for making her feel inferior. Hated him for not helping her. Hated him because she knew how much he cared for her brother. The hatred made her strong. If Hiro wasn't helping her, she was going to get there by herself. There had to be a buss she could catch, it would take time to get to the Uesugi's by buss, but hell, she would get there. And she would get Shuichi back home.

……………………….

They were cutting up apples. Tatsuha seemed to be extremely found of apples. The knife was quite small, but seemingly sharp. When the phone rang and Tatsuha went to answer it, Shuichi ended up staring at the shiny edge of the knife. He placed it against his wrist. _Hiro_, he thought, _I need to be with Hiro_.

…………………………..

"Nakano Hiroshi?" Tatsuha asked, "Sorry, do I know you?"

"I'm a friend of Shuichi's. Maiko said you had tried to get hold of me. Is Shu okay?" the person at the other end of the phone seemed extremely worried. Tatsuha was quiet for a moment, then:

"You are the redhead?" he asked.

"Eh, Yes, I have red hair, how did you know?"

"I have a picture, Maiko gave it to me. It's taken outside somewhere, in the summer I guess, because it's sunny and Looks pretty warm. Shuichi is kind of clinging to this red-haired guy who looks kind of miffed and tries to play the guitar."

It was silent again.

"Yes" Hiroshi said slowly, "that picture was taken about a year ago, we went to a park with our friends for the cherry trees had just started to blossom. Shuichi forced me to bring the guitar, but then he wouldn't let me play it. He spent the whole day trying to convince me to climb this big cherry tree, which you are not allowed to do, and when I refused he decided that the best way to persuade me was to climb me instead."

"Seems like you two were really close."

"Yes, how is he?"

" He's…fine. Better than when he got here three weeks ago. He's starting to, open up, I think."

Hiroshi took a deep breath, he seemed to be very relieved.

"That's great" he said and suddenly he sounded much happier. "I have missed him so much."

"Why haven't you come to see him, then?" Tatsuha finally asked the question he had been longing to find an answer to, why had Shuichi been left alone?

"I… I don't know. I have wanted to so badly, but… things… got in the way, I guess. It, I don't know. Everything has been so fucked up lately."

"Okay, how about you come now then? I don't mean, now, like exactly now, but, you can come visit this weekend. I'll tell him, I'm sure it will make him happy."

"Yes, that sounds great."

"Good, I'm looking forward to meeting you."

When he hung up, Tatsuha couldn't think of anything else than how weird the conversation had been, how easy Redhead was to talk with and how he had gone from sounding happy to sounding sad. This Nakano Hiroshi guy probably missed Shuichi just as much as Shuichi missed him.

"Shuichi!" Tatsuha called when he walked into the kitchen where he had left the other boy. "I've got a surprise for you. I just talked to--"

Shock.

Shuichi had turned around. The knife he had been holding fell to the floor with a clatter. There was blood on it. And worse, Shuichi's left arm was soaked in blood as well.

"Shuichi?" Tatsuha asked. "God, what have you done?"

_Tatsuha_, Shuichi thought. _Why did you have to come now? I want to go. I want to go to my friend._ But then, there was an other part of him, a part that said something completely different: _Can you… save me?_

Tatsuha was already by his side. He had taken of his shirt and was using it to stop the bleeding. And eventually the bleeding did stop. Tatsuha carefully removed the shirt to look at the wound. He was relieved when he saw that it was just a scratch. Not deep. Not fatal. Just one of those small cuts that bleed an awful lot when they are first received. He made Shuichi sit down on the floor while he quickly cleaned up the kitchen. Then he took Shuichi up to his room and made him sit down on the bed. He disposed of the bloody shirt and fetched a new one along with a medical aid box. He cleaned the wound and bandaged it.

………………………………….

Maiko went to the buss station. Indeed, there was a buss. It would take her to Shuichi in about one and a half hours time. It would do.

…………………………………….

While Tatsuha took care of him, Shuichi had the time to look around in the room. Tatsuha's room was larger than the one he was staying in. It also lacked the specific depressed atmosphere. There was a large Nittle Grasper poster hanging on the wall. Seeing that, he looked back at Tatsuha. Tatsuha was a Nittle Grasper fan? Like himself. Like Hiro. Shuichi leaned in against him. He even smelled like Hiro. It was not really the same smell, but it was a smell he liked. He felt secure. When he thought about it, Tatsuha was similar to Hiro in many ways. Tatsuha was a friend. He wasn't afraid of him just because he was a mute. Like Hiro woulden't have been afraid of him. He talked to him, like Hiro would have done. He would listen to music with him. He had even put his arms around him. Held him, like Hiro used to do. He was so much like Hiro, so similar to him that he perhaps could… take his place?

_**NO!**_

That could not happen! No one could take Hiro's place. Ever! He pushed away the ridiculous thought and pushed away Tatsuha at the same time. He got to his feet and stormed out of the room. Rushed down the stairs and to the door. In the doorway, he ran into Tatsuha's father and some women with long brown hair. He pushed past them.

Tatsuha's father was extremely surprised when he saw the expression Shuichi had when he pushed past them. He had never seen the boys face carrying such an expression before. Seconds later he was interrupted in his amazement by Tatsuha, who hurried past them as well.

"Hi dad! Hi sis!" he said while passing them by, "Got to go, catch you later sis!" and he was gone.

"Ehm, what just happened?" Mika asked her father. He could not answer.

…………………..

Shuichi was standing under the big cherry tree. He was clasping his right hand over the bandage he had on his left wrist. He seemed to be thinking of something, something important. What, Tatsuha could not tell. Pink cherry flowers glistered in the last light from the setting sun. All of a sudden, one of them fell. It slowly singled through the air before landing on the cold ground just next to Shuichi. Death, Tatsuha thought, and he suddenly knew what Shuichi was thinking about(1). He walked up to stand next to the boy. "Do you know why you cannot do it?" he said, fixating his glance at the lakes blue/green surface, careful not to look at Shuichi. Shuichi tilted his head just a little.

"Why you can't kill yourself?" Tatsuha said to clarify.

Shuichi looked at the ground. Tatsuha took some steps forward, past Shuichi, he looked up at the flowers and when he spoke his voice was a bit louder than usual, to make sure Shuichi would hear him.

"You can't kill yourself…" he said slowly, "Because that would not be fair to the ones you would leave behind."

If he listened really carefully, he could hear Shuichi breathing. He continued:

"Think of all the people who loves you. Your family, your friends. Your sister, for example. I met her at the hospital, you know. She told me about you, about your suicide attempt. She was devastated. You should have seen the look on her face, how she lit up when I said I'd might be able to help you. I don't think she really trusts me anymore, so I don't want to let her down. But that's not what this is really about. I don't care about proving anything to her, or if she likes me or not. I… I care about you."

Tatsuha felt weird. Somewhat broken. And it was hurting him. However, he was not going to believe that there were tears forming in his eyes. He was not going to cry. He had nothing to cry about. Except, if Shuichi really would die, that would make him very sad. He swallowed and picked up where he had left of:

"And it's not just me!" he said, almost angry. "What about that friend of yours? The one with long reddish hair. He really cares about you!"

…………………..

Maiko ran from the buss stop to the house. It was the old monk, Tatsuha's father, who answered the door. Maiko asked him where Shuichi was. He told her that Shuichi and Tatsuha had gone for a walk, probably to the park. Maiko thanked and took off, running again.

…………………………..

Shuichi was surprised over Tatsuha's sudden outburst. The dark haired man had his back turned against him, so he could not see his face, but he did hear how his voice cracked. Not much, just a little. But it was enough to have him react to it. He didn't want Tatsuha to be like that. He wanted to do something to change it. Make it better. Reaching out was something very difficult, but with Tatsuha, he had done it before. He tried to tell himself he could do it again. Slowly, he lifted his arm. First he had just thought to poke him, but he ended up placing his hand lightly on Tatsuha's shoulder. Tatsuha rapidly turned around. Suddenly they were much closer than Shuichi had thought they would be. Standing face to face, he looked up at Tatsuha and noticed that his eyes were blank. Like he was going to cry. Shuichi didn't want him to cry. The strange thought from before were sneaking back into his head. He didn't push it away this time. If Tatsuha would stay with him, then maybe he could survive without singing. Without Hiro. When he thought about it, exactly what had Tatsuha said?

_What about that friend of yours? The one with long reddish hair._

Could it be? It couldn't, it really couldn't! Hiro was dead. Gone. Would never come back. But then again, Tatsuha was a monk. And… monks could speak with the dead, couldn't they? He wanted to ask about it. God, he had to! But how could he? Paper, perhaps? Yes, he needed paper! He wanted to do something to change Tatsuha's sad expression as well, but before he had the time to think of something which might help, Tatsuha's eyes changed. They become solid. Piercing like steel. His first reaction was to back away, but then he realised he didn't want to, and that, even though the icy stare he was given was cold, it wasn't frightening. And he could not back away, he needed Tatsuha. Tatsuha could speak to Hiro!

"You can't do it" Tatsuha said. "Don't do it. Don't do that to them. Don't do that to your sister. I know what it feels like to lose a brother, don't do that to her. Don't do it to your friend. Don't do it to your parents." Tatsuha was breathing hard now. He tried to calm himself, but didn't quite manage. This time it wasn't difficult to reach out. Shuichi had done it before he knew he was planning to. His arms closed around Tatsuha's body and he held on to him hard. He dug his fingers into Tatsuha's back and when he realised he was hurting him, he just held on even tighter. Tatsuha had spoke with Hiro. He had to do it again, there was things he had to ask. Things Shuichi needed to know.

"Don't do that to me" he heard Tatsuha say, and then he pulled back. Tatsuha now looked very much pissed off. Shuichi started to back away from him. Next second, the dark haired man had grabbed hold of him and efficiently closed the gap between them by taking a step forward.

"I'm sorry" Shuichi heard him say, and then Tatsuha had forced their lips together and was kissing him vigorously.

End chapter six

………………………

AN: Thank you for all the reviews! This chapter is the longest by far. There is a lot of explanation in it. You finally get to know why Shuichi is so depressed. And you also, kind of, understand why he opens up so quickly to Tatsuha. It was a pain to write. I almost started crying at one point. I need coffee! I'm not even sure if I'm completely satisfied with it, I might go back and redo it later.

I really would like to know what you think about this chapter. Good? Bad? Suck? Best thing you've ever read?

I did have someone beta read it, but it might still contain some stupid mistakes, sorry about that…

I've been planning the Shuichi and Tatsuha under big Cherry Tree Scene since I first started this fic. It was great to finally get to write it.

Also, I told you last time that I would make some gift art for my reviewers when Scars reached 33 reviews. Please go check out my Deviant Art account okay? There's a link at my author page.

Take care, you are our sunflower.

Reading Notes

(1) Cherry flowers symbolize death.


	8. Chapter Seven

Title: Scars

By: Aizawa Sakura

Disclaimer: Gravitation with characters belongs to Maki Murakami.

Summary: Shuichi loses his will to live. Tatsuha falls in love with him and is prepared to do anything to save his life. Even send him to Japans no.1 Casanova.

Author's Note: Where am I going with this? I don't know. And I'm sorry for the wait.

…………….

Chapter Seven

_I'm not kissing him. I am not kissing him. _The thought was violently running through Tatsuha's head. _I am NOT kissing him. _And yet, he was. Held him close. Kissed him hungrily and forcefully. Shuichi was not responding nor refusing him. Not kissing him back, but didn't try to get away either. Tatsuha carefully bit down at Shuichi's lip in order to make him open his mouth a little more. Then he suddenly realised something: This act could ruin everything. Shatter the trust Shuichi had come to develop for him. Perhaps even make him fear him. Make him hate him. For it is easy to hate things you fear. People you fear. _I am not kissing him. I am not destroying the chance I had. I want to save him. Help him. _He had to stop. He had to stop, and then he had to explain to Shuichi why he had done it. He pulled back, but didn't let go of the other boy.

"I'm sorry" he breathed into Shuichi's ear. "I didn't mean to do that. I so sorry."

They seemed to have frozen. Locked in a position where they could do nothing else than look at each other. Brown eyes met amnesty ones. And for the first time, those purple orbs held an expression. Conveyed a feeling. Confusion. Shuichi did not understand. He couldn't grasp what had just happened. It was too weird for him. His first kiss. Gone. He decided to fall back into the loneliness he had lived in for the past months. He had shared something with Tatsuha, something which somehow made it impossible for him to ask him about Hiro. He wasn't ready to communicate. His first real kiss left him confused and blank.

Tatsuha saw it, and it filled him with…fear? _No_ he thought. _No, no, no!_ but it was to late, happened to fast. For a moment, Shuichi's eyes were alive, burning with emotions, the next there was only confusion, and then, gone. The boy was gone again.

"Shuichi!" Maiko shouted while running down the slight hill towards her brother. Her brother in Tatsuha's arms. That bastard kissing him. Rage, her blood running hot through her veins.

"Get away from him" she spit when she reached the two boys. Not that she needed to, Tatsuha had already backed away. She grabbed Shuichi's arm and jerked him away from the man, just for good measures.

"I'm taking you home" she said. "I'm taking you home now" she turned to Tatsuha "you will never get close to him again." She began to walk, fast, dragging Shuichi with her. Tatsuha left behind. Stunned, he stood, not knowing what to do. Just knowing that it was painful to watch Shuichi go. Then he found his voice.

"You are not going home tonight" he said.

Maiko spun around.

"I'm not?" she shouted, "I'm taking Shuichi home! You can't stop me! Try anything and I'll call the police, god damn perv! Shuichi is just an innocent child compared to the likes of you!"

Okay, so that was a punch in the face. Perv? Tatsuha thought. Shuichi is just a child compared to me? But I'm still underage! Then again, he didn't know Shuichi's age. Yet, being called something like that by Shuichi's sister hurt him.

"I'm not going to stop you" he said. "If you wanna go then go. Because that's what you'll have to do. There's no more busses today." He turned around and started walking back to the house.

"Wait" he heard Maiko say. "We'll come with you. I'll stay over, and then we will leave with the earliest buss in the morning."

And so they followed him back to the house. Once there, Maiko quickly disposed of Tatsuha when she dragged Shuichi up the stairs, got into the room Shuichi had been staying in and violently slam shut the door in Tatsuha's face before locking it. Tatsuha wandered back to the first floor while wondering why he had bothered to follow the Shindou siblings up the stair in the first place. His father was nowhere to be seen, but he found Mika sitting in the kitchen. She was dressed in a knee long black dress and was gently sipping from a glass of wine. Tatsuha threw himself down next to her.

"Hello sis" he said. She gave him the rather usual 'what the hell's wrong with you' look.

"What's up with the kids?" she said, obviously referring to Maiko and Shuichi, "The old man's turning this place into some kind of troubled youth's centre or what?" Tatsuha did not answer.

"Do you have any more of that stuff?" he asked her gesturing towards her glass of wine.

"Yes" she said "but I plan to drown the whole bottle by myself, you don't like it anyway."

"It's not like I don't like it, I just happen to prefer beer."

"I know" Mika said, smiling, while getting up and walking over to the refrigerator. "Which is why I bought you this" she returned to the table with a wine bottle and a can of beer which she offered her brother. Tatsuha accepted it, smiling a little when saying:

"Thanks, it's even the real thing, not that vending machine crap which makes you sick if you drink too much of it."

Mika gave him one more of her 'what's wrong with you' looks.

"Little brother, _all_ alcohol makes you sick if you drink too much"

He ignored her.

"You're troubled" she said, sipping from her glass"

"How do you know?" Tatsuha asked.

Mika smiled.

"You're not drinking"

Tatsuha promptly drowned half the can.

"You're not too happy yourself" he said.

"And what would make you say that?"

Now it was Tatsuha's time to smile.

"You're drinking" he said.

"It's nothing"

"I could say the same. However, you're drinking Chateau La Mondotte Saint-Emilion 1996 (1) so I don't believe you. What happened, what did he do?"

"You know me too well. We were supposed to spend this evening together, you know, good food, good wine. But…" she paused to empty her glass "…he had some troubles at work and decided to go out and get smashed instead." She reached for the bottle and refilled her glass.

Tatsuha sipped his beer, "Sure sounds like Touma" he offered. Then he decided to tell her about his own problems.

……………………………….

What the hell am I doing here? Hiro asked himself where he was sitting at a small table at the far back of some small pub. In fact, it was the same pub they had gone to when the blonde stranger had treated him to a meal. What he was doing there? He didn't want to admit it, but he was waiting, waiting and hoping they would be able to meet again. He had just started to consider leaving, when the blonde stranger walked through the door. He recognised him right away. Same pale skin and small frame. Same blonde hair and effeminate looks. Hiro stood and walked across the room.

"Hello" he said when reaching the other man, "You come here often?" The blonde turned to him and, when he recognised him, smiled lightly.

"Not really. One or two times a month, at the most."

"Oh, ehm…" Hiro found he had a hard time coming up with something decent to say.

"Can I…buy you a drink?

The blonde seemed a bit surprised at first, but eventually he nodded and his smile became warmer, more natural.

"Anytime, Hiroshi-kun."

……………..

It was quiet again. Shuichi stared at the ceiling. His sister curled up at the other side of the bed, sleeping. Since they got back to the house, Maiko had not said one word to him. He hated it. Slowly, he brought his hand to his face. His fingertips against his lips. He had not imagined that his first real kiss would be with a man. In fact, he had never imagined a man would kiss him at all. Not like that. It had been… a bit of a shock. That Tatsuha would do it. He didn't really understand. Why would Tatsuha want to kiss him? It had happened so fast. It had been violent. Rough. Awkward, somewhat similar to silence. Slowly, he got up from the bed and got dressed. He unlocked the door and tiptoed out of the room. He would not go back to the silence. The kiss however, as he recalled it, had not been unpleasant. Maybe, he even wanted to do it again.

…………….

There was a reason why Mika was the older sister. Somehow, while listening to Tatsuha's tale, she picked up on details he had missed, found red strings he had overlooked, and created a picture he had not seen.

"This kid, I don't think he's depressed because he can't talk anymore, if that was the case he wouldn't open up to you. You have given him something. Kissing him was, indeed, not a very bright thing to do, but if he, you, can overlook that, I think you'll be alright."

"I don't understand-" Tatsuha began, but Mika motioned to him to keep quiet.

"It's simple really, all you have to do is put the pieces together. Kid used to be a singer, which probably means he listened to a lot of music as well. His sister said he used to joke a lot, or playing around with his friends. As you put it, I believe she even said that 'He would never shut up'. Apparently he lived with a lot of noise around him. Hence, he probably wasn't very found of silence."

"I still don't understand"

Mika sighed, looked down on her empty glass, poured herself more wine. For a moment, it seemed like she was giving up the explanation, then her eyes seemed to focus on something far away, and she started again:

"He is not unhappy because _he_ can't talk, but because no one _talks to him_" she said, slowly, convinced. "And, if I'm right, his sister showing up tonight and deciding to take him back home was about the worse thing that could happen. He doesn't want to go back home, he rather stay here. With… Tat…you, Tatsuha. Because, you…talks to him."

"Ehm, sis, you're acting weird. You sure that isn't the alcohol speaking."

"It's not. I know I'm right about this."

"How can you be so sure?"

Mika smiled then.

"Because said kid has been standing behind you for some minutes now, nodding at every

word I've said."

-The Next Day-

Though it was early, the streets were already crowded, the people noisy, the air rich in smell. It had been Mika's idea.

"How do we prevent Shuichi's family from taking him back home?" Tatsuha had asked.

"Go away" Mika had answered.

"Yeah, right." Tatsuha said, "Where to? Should we perhaps go to live in the mountains

where no one could find us?"

Mika growled.

"People get lost in the mountain every day, they are easily found again. Little brother, you are not thinking big enough."

"Ehm… a bigger mountain?"

"No, stupid! You should go to Tokyo." She reached over, picking up a pen and a paper lying on the table. She scribbled down an address and passed it over to Tatsuha.

"Just go there" she said.

Tatsuha starred on it. If Shuichi had felt any kind of hope of getting away, it was shattered by the look on Tatsuha's face. The man had gone pale, very pale.

"I can't" he breathed. "I can't do that."

"You can" Mika said. "It's time."

And so, they had gone.

…

Tokyo, the capital city. It took them some time to find their way to the place Mika had told them to go. Tatsuha seemed stressed, which made Shuichi slightly worried. During the seven stores lift ride Tatsuha tried hard to breathe slowly, not quite managing the task. Finally standing outside the door, Tatsuha hesitated. Then he slowly lifted his hand and pressed the buzzer. It took a while before anyone come to answer the door, but eventually, they heard the sound of footsteps and then the door swung open. The man standing before them looked western. His skin was pale and his hair blonde. He was dressed in black pants and a white shirt and he looked down at them with the narrowed eyes of a cat.

"Tatsuha?" he said in a low voice. "What are you doing here?"

Tatsuha took a deep breath.

"Hello" he said but seemed unsure how to continue, "Long time no see… Eiri"

…………………………..

End Chapter Seven

AN:

It's been what? One year? One and a half year? I'm guessing most of the people who used to read this fic gave up on it a long time ago. Yet, I hope some of you are still here. The past year or so has been hard on me, that's the one reason I can give you for not having updated. I have also more or less left Gravitation fandom. I hope I can find it in myself to actually finish this now that things are better. I'm truly sorry if it turns out I can't.

As always, please review and tell me what you thought of the chapter, Good? Bad? Did it suck? Was it the best thing you've ever read?

You are our sunflower.

Reading notes:

**Chateau La Mondotte Saint-Emilion 1996**

Somehow I can't really see Tatsuha pronounce that. It's a real wine though, it's rather expensive. Approximately $608 a bottle.


End file.
